.Hello nerds!
Glad to meet you. Since this is the first post of hopefully many, let's establish a few boring things that should be said. Some of the names I say in the posts may be changed just for privacy issues. Other than that, I will do my best to keep all info as honest as possible. A little bit about me because my mother tells me "professional dork and resident of... Earth" does not make for an impressive resume.(Its a shame really, does a girl need to say much more? What? You mean I actually have to do things now?). I don't know where to start, so lets start splat in the the middle. Hi, I'm Soliuna. I've been bulimic for five years, recovering for two months (and two days, but pshht, who's counting, right?). Why I decided to recover I'm not entirely sure. I never "hit rock bottom." I wasn't severely underweight. No one was threatening me with hospitilization. I could have easily gotten away with a couple more years of this. One day just I woke up with a wickedly sore throat, and so I decided to take a couple of days off. I thought of it as a sort of "sport injury." Remember this first anecdote as we flashback to the summer where I lived under books and ate prose for breakfast. Besides being bulimic, I'm disgustingly competitive. The way I read pretty much sums up everything about me. It could never just be a book every now and then for pleasure. When I read in the library, I read. I devoured Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game series. I slurped ravenously through page upon page of Grimm's Fairytales until I consumed every last crumb I could find. As I turned to sleep off my lettered binge, an uninspiring spine peeked through the tempting rows of new arrivals and steamy teen romances. The simplicity of the cover snagged my eyeball. Tentatively my hands clasped the novel's jacket and pulled the title up to my hungry eyes. The book was titled Ninety Days by Bill Clegg. What a peculiar title? My curiosity was piqued. I stood, magnetized as my fingers mechanically flew to the summary page. Then I read the next hundred and something pages; then I was staring at the back cover contemplating the addict in the pages who at that moment I understood better and whom knew me more than anyone else in the world. For a few hours I met an addict named Bill who was struggling to make himself into more than just the guy who did drugs. I stood over his shoulder as he battled for his sobriety in the New York streets. My fingers, separated by paper, itched to clasp his hand and pull him up before he spiraled into relapse. When he cheered with Polly as she reached her first week of sobriety I fist pumped with him. I get you. And you get me. The back cover broke my trance and brought me back from Bill, and Polly's world, back to the hard wood chair and cold brown desk of reality. As close as I felt to these people, seeing the backside of the book reminded me I would never know their voice. I am an outsider, this paper is too thick. Suddenly I felt very lonely. Then I felt nauseous. I left the library and threw up. School starts in a couple of weeks and with the first bell I forget about my summer library communion. So now we are back to me about two months ago sitting in the bathroom cursing myself and all the gosh-forsaken donuts in this world because ugh darn it why didn't I clip my nails earlier. Now my throat is scratched. Fantastic. I decide to stop and re-assess the situation. So, sports injury. Somewhere in my head I remember my coach telling me to take a couple of weeks off from practisce when I sprained my hip. Maybe I could stop for just a few days. And so I do what I always do when I need to be distracted. "Mooooommmm, I'm headed to the library!" I holler out into the air. As I'm tucking in to my juicy calculas textbook (so fun!), I remember Ninety Days. Could I do ninety days? Just like that, I want it. My desire for freedom from my addiction, my bulimia, hits me like a freight train. Who am I to resist? I opened this post by saying "professional dork and resident of planet... Earth" is no spectacular feature. Let's see if we can beef up that resume, shall we? Till Next time, -Soliuna
15 Comments
you know who had to be first
1/31/2016 09:14:39 pm
Well told,and well written. Looking forward to more to come. Good job.
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2/1/2016 01:03:07 am
This is such an excellent well written in-depth detailed look into the struggles and life with this disorder that effects so many ,I cried and smiled with your beautiful spirit you have ,you will help many that struggle with this as well knowing there is light and hope at the end of the tunnel .
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Bridget Jones
2/1/2016 01:19:44 am
So well written. As a Mum of a daughter with an ED is so moving to hear the "story" from the other side. Brilliant.
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Danielle
2/1/2016 11:30:31 am
Very well written. As a mother of a young girl with ED I do look forward to following you in your journey. Amen to you young lady
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Lisa
2/1/2016 12:26:11 pm
You are one talented young woman. Thank you for your witty, honest and most interesting blog. I look forward to reading more from you. If you're a nerd then I think nerds rock!
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Fran
2/1/2016 12:35:46 pm
Thank you for providing me with a thoughtful and witty introduction about your journey through the recovery process of one with an eating disorder. You are a remarkable young woman that understands that speaking up and helping to educate others will help us all move on past shame and myths. Keep fighting one day at a time. You are remarkable.
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Marcy Goss
2/1/2016 12:37:11 pm
I love your way with words! You have managed to take a light hearted look at a very serious subject. Those of us that have never been on this particular journey can probably never fully understand the pain and distress involved but, wish to have a better understanding. I applaud your efforts to share your personal journey with the hope that it will not only be beneficial to you but, also 'a light' for others that are struggling with this issue.
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Terry
2/1/2016 01:41:12 pm
Very well written. Very proud of you.
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Denise
2/1/2016 03:18:46 pm
You are wise beyond your years. I am honored to know you.
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Dilcie
2/1/2016 04:19:34 pm
Loving it so far and I look forward to following your journey.
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Jane
2/1/2016 06:47:22 pm
Thank you for writing and being brave to face the monster. I struggled with bulimia for so many years and hated what I was doing but I too couldn't resist those tempting treats that called my name. Naming the struggle, finding better ways to deal with food (habits that I still stick to--as in eating the same thing for most of my meals), and finding someone who loved me for who I was, all helped. Keep on with the writing!
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Erik
2/3/2016 06:32:51 pm
Great Blog! Stay Strong!!
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Cheryl
2/7/2016 08:14:33 am
I love your writing style and honesty! I am the mom of a 17 yr old daughter struggling with AN for the past 4 years. I can't wait to read your next entries - thank you for doing this!
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